You can divide the world into two persuasions - and we don't mean capitalist and communist.
Under the superstition that whatever they're doing Dec. 31 sets the tone for the next 365 days, those of the ritualistic persuasion believe in celebrating their brains out on New Year's Eve.
The anti-festive faction believes that it's a night like any other except for the irritating fact that there are a lot of jerks running around tooting noisemakers and toting jeroboams.
What's paradoxical is that both are absolutely right.
The task at hand, of course, is to plan an evening that satisfies both persuasions, for naturally if you're the ritualistic type, your spouse or lover or best chum recommends that you make it an early night for New Year's. And although you've doubtless struck many compromises in the past, you know as well as we do that no matter how sparkling the bubbly and the wordplay, the taste of champagne and Scrabble on New Year's Eve is inevitably flat.
So why not rent a mood movie for New Year's Eve? You see, this allows the party guy or gal to do something special, to the extent of treating the screen as a kind of video noisemaker. And it enables New Year's misanthropes to slump in front of TV as though it were any other night. Everybody's happy. Besides, it's even something you can do alone.
By mood movie, we mean a film that will satisfy celebrators by auguring well for the new year. But by mood movie we also mean a film that is not so relentlessly festive that it will cause misanthropes to look for the sleeping pills.
Two words of advice, however. To the celebrator: Do not allow the misanthrope to select the film, lest he or she return with Cannibal Holocaust. To the misanthrope: Before letting the celebratory type go to the video supermarket to rent a film, make it plain that you will not put up with Ocean's 11 (1960) - even though it does take place in Vegas on New Year's Eve.
Note: Oceans 11 is recommended only for ring-a-ding-ding-ding-a-lings and their grandchildren.
So unless you worship the Rat Pack - or have formed a local chapter of your own - there are better ways to celebrate New Year's Eve than by watching Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr. and Peter Lawford simultaneously rob the five largest casinos on the Las Vegas Strip.
