"It just really touches my heart," Whitmore said of the tributes on Legacy.com, which number more than a thousand. There's also a photo gallery of Amy, a high school cheerleading coach, and her life story, written by her father.
Sites such as Legacy.com and Funeralnet.com, which have sprung up in recent years, are creating a new kind of memorial, where loved ones and even strangers can gather to mourn and share letters, poems, tributes and thoughts.
Thousands of similar Web sites sprang into existence after Sept. 11. And when West Chester businessman Nicholas Berg was killed in Iraq two weeks ago, Legacy.com was flooded with tributes from around the world.
"That's wonderful, actually," said Peggy Roth, a therapist at the Council for Relationships, which offers counseling services in Philadelphia. "Part of what happens in our culture of grief is everybody wants you to get over it." Memorializing someone who has died "is a way of connecting emotionally."
In the days after Amy Whitmore's death, letter writers offered condolences. But now many write upbeat letters directly to Amy, letting her know what's going on in their lives or asking for help with a problem.
Since Saturday, on what would have been her 23d birthday, her guest book has been flooded with birthday wishes.
Messages from friends
"Hey Amy, Happy Birthday!" wrote Donna. "Sorry a little late but I didn't forget. I will be up to see you today! Hope you partied it up in heaven! Miss you and love you!!"
Matt McLaughlin, 23, a friend from high school, said he writes at least twice a month. "I get to express how much she meant to me and how big a part of my life she was. I feel it helps her family know how much people care."
Some obituary sites are amateur Web pages cobbled together by friends. Others are created by funeral homes. Legacy.com, one of the most prominent, is affiliated with 160 newspapers, including The Inquirer, which pay the site to host the newspapers' paid death notices.
