Steve and Mia | Looking for an older gentleman

'Non-famous woman' is seeking tips on where to go

Posted: August 03, 2007

Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. If you'd like an answer to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M c/o Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, PA 19101.

Q: I am looking for an older gentleman but don't know where to look. I know you have a younger audience, but believe me, you don't die just because you are a divorced female in her early 60s (see Vanessa Redgrave and Jane Fonda) like I am. But who would be interested in a non-famous woman my age? I work full time, am not overweight, take care of myself, own my house and am not bad looking. I also have many interests, particularly music, animal rights and the news. Any suggestions?

Q: I am looking for an older gentleman but don't know where to look. I know you have a younger audience, but believe me, you don't die just because you are a divorced female in her early 60s (see Vanessa Redgrave and Jane Fonda) like I am. But who would be interested in a non-famous woman my age? I work full time, am not overweight, take care of myself, own my house and am not bad looking. I also have many interests, particularly music, animal rights and the news. Any suggestions?

Steve: Follow your interests. Join a concert-lovers club. Volunteer for the humane society. How about a book club? There are also no-pressure, age-specific meet-ups available, like 10-minute dating. The more social interaction you have, the better the chances you'll meet a single man who shares your interests.

Mia:I certainly hope you don't lose interest in sex, when you get older. I plan to be a very sexy 60-year-old! And I think there are definitely men out there who would be interested in you, but you'll have to find them. So put yourself out there like Steve says, by joining activities. You could also try online dating - some of the sites will let you be very specific about what you are looking for.

Q: My husband and I have been together for 11 years and have been married for four years. He spends most of his time with the fellows and rarely spends any time with me. He comes home at all hours of the night and then wants to sleep the whole next day. We don't go out anymore and and our sex life has gone downhill. I've tried talking to him about this, but I'm getting nowhere. There isn't anything that I want more than my husband to adore me again. Please help.

Steve:You need marriage counseling immediately. If he won't go, go alone. You do not deserve this kind of emotional abandonment.

Mia:I don't see what good going alone will do - it's the husband that's the problem. You should demand that he work on the marriage by going to therapy and finding time to spend with you. If he refuses, leave.

Q: My 4-year-old son wants to wear dresses and play with dolls, and he says he wants a girl's name. Is this a phase, or might he have some kind of sexual identity issue? What should I do?

Mia: OK, this so not my area of expertise, but I think the most important thing is not to panic, and to be loving and supportive of your son, no matter what he wants to wear. I suppose if he continues to feel this way, you might want to take him to a child psychologist so he can talk with a professional about his feelings.

Steve: As long as the psychologist isn't someone from the Dark Ages (which wasn't long ago) who tries to change the boy's sexual identity, Mia. My advice: Love and support your boy no matter what and take him to a Broadway musical now and then.

Q: I was a bridesmaid for a childhood friend five years ago, but we have grown apart since and haven't spoken in at least a year. I'm getting married next spring; am I obliged to ask her to be in my wedding party?

Mia:As far as I know there is no tit-for-tat rule regarding bridesmaids. You should ask whomever you want. But be prepared for your old friend to be upset and maybe confront you about it. I'd think up something to tell her in case she asks.

Steve: It's your wedding, honey, and you should be able to have who you want in the lineup. If your childhood friend really cares about you, she'll understand and act classy about it even if she's a little hurt. *

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