Sideshow | Death of 'American Idol'?

What else would the Fox show be but dead and gone if that dark chasm, Simon Cowell, who is the heartless heart of the show, quit?

USAToday.com says Mr. Cowell has told Brit paper the Mirror that he plans to leave the show in three years. Yes, it's an obscene threat.

But Si does promise one good thing: "You'll definitely not be seeing me on Celebrity Big Brother, that's for sure."

No love for celebs!

Noted thesp Ethan Hawke, 36, has added love to the list of hardships celebs must endure (and all to save you and me from boredom). There's too much career jealousy between celeb spouses, says Uma Thurman's ex. And it sours the marriage.

"It's unfair when one person's career is taking off and the other is really suffering," the Before Sunset hero says in a sit-down on the AMC show Shootout. This then, is the true face of suffering.

A young Idol jumps into work

At 17, Jordin Sparks is the youngest ever to win the American Idol title. So it's sad to hear that after an exhausting ordeal dominating the sixth edition of the show, Lil' Jordin is already being used as a workhorse: The singer has signed a deal to make her first record for Simon Fuller's 19Recordings label.

Jordin's album is due out in November, but a first single, "Tattoo," will be released Aug. 27.

Jordin's statement is, like: "I can't wait to share this next chapter of my story with all the fans." (Do fans' lives have chapters, too? Or just verses?)

'Closer' to the King

CNN interviewer Larry King, who has perfected the art of kissing up to celebs by pitching them inane, softball questions, will appear on the season finale of cable TV's top show, TNT's The Closer.

King will portray "Larry King," and will be shown in convo with a real congresswoman (Rep. Loretta Sanchez, a California Democrat) and a real author (Dominick Dunne).