Turnabout is fair play.
And lots of fun for New Hope's Paul Marturano, a.k.a. "Pauly Nipple."
The day after singing his creepy "Stalker" to Paula Abdul on American Idol, the 32-year-old club-and-college singer was lustily pursued for media appearances.
On last night's Access Hollywood, which made him its lead story, Marturano said, "I've been up since 6 a.m. and on the phone with every radio station across the country and it seems everybody got a kick out of it."
This morning, he said, he's lined up to do another 20 or so shows - and share the part of the story Idol viewers didn't see.
Unlike most of the Fox hit's other loony attention-seekers, Marturano dressed like a normal guy (baggy shirt and faded jeans) for his Philadelphia audition.
But then came those unnerving words, as the Drexel Hill-born, Monsignor Bonner grad serenaded Abdul:
There is this girl I know, I follow her around
She hasn't noticed me, it really gets me down.
I broke into her house when she wasn't there
Took off all my clothes and tried on her underwear
I'm always thinking of her, I really think that I love her.
I'm not much of a talker, so I think that I'll just stalk her.
Adbul just batted her puppy-dog eyes as Marturano slinked closer - which isn't easy for a big paunchy, raunchy guy - and delivered a series of troubled-entendres:
If she was a doggy, I would walk her
If she were a blackboard, I would chalk her
If I were Columbo, I'd Peter Falk her,
But I'm not, so I'll just stalk her
If she were up to with a guy on first I would balk her,
If she were Winona from "Good Times," I'd be Jimmie Walker
If she were a bathtub, I would caulk her,
But I don't bathe, so I'll just stalk her.
Fellow judge Simon Cowell seemed horrified, and not just by the bad singing.
As security escorted the prankster off, the snitty Brit said that was one of the creepiest performances he'd ever seen.
That much was televised.
But besides some even more disturbing stanzas - like "I killed her husband dead, 'cause three's a crowd in bed" - viewers also missed Marturano emerging and pulling out a fake golden ticket, yelling about making it to Hollywood!
A stunned Ryan Seacrest demanded to see the slip, while Marturano sang a second composition, "I Love Me," and tried to evade security. (Sample lyrics: "There's someone very special in this room tonight / Someone we've all been waiting to see / This person is so excellent / This person is so perfect / This person, this person is me.")
