10 ways to know you don't want to be in the Big House

Posted: February 18, 2008

IN AN EFFORT to enlighten young people about the horrors and indignities of prison life, I give you a 10-point questionnaire to see if prison life would suit you:

1. Would it bother you to have a guard inspect your rectal, genital and mouth areas, going and coming from a visit, or any time your cell was searched?

2. Would it bother you to have dogs sniff your parents, children, wife or girlfriend when they come to visit?

3. Would it bother you to have a guard watch you while you are giving a urine sample for a drug check?

4. Would it bother you to have an audience while you're using the toilet because rules don't allow a privacy screen?

5. Would it bother you to be locked in a cell with your cellmate while he's using the toilet and you can't get out?

6. What about having a serious medical emergency late at night and can't get any help?

7. What about having a terrible toothache on the weekend and can't see a dentist until Monday?

8. Or having people less intelligent than you order you around and make decisions on your life daily?

9. Or being subject to hate stares or acts of violence because you refuse to appease an individual's personal and petty idiosyncrasies?

10. Would it bother you to be the subject of some perverted sexual predator's desires?

If these things and a host of other human indignities don't bother you, then you're well-suited for prison life.

Hoping not to see you in the future.

Larry Stephenson

Graterford (Pa.) State Prison

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