Ask Amy: Ex keeps hanging around girlfriend's place

Dear Amy: I have been in a relationship for about three months. We are two mature adults who work full time and are very happy with each other.

My problem is that her ex-boyfriend still has keys to her condo. He stops by frequently to hang out, talk to her and play with the dog they got when they were together. I've told her this makes me uncomfortable.

My girlfriend claims they broke up a year ago, but I've seen his shoes and a razor at her place. She says he'll stay over on occasion but sleeps on the couch. She said he pays part of the mortgage.

Now she has invited him to a destination wedding in the Caribbean next fall. She says they'll share a room but they're just friends.

When I asked to spend the night at her place, my girlfriend said I couldn't because her ex might come by - she said it would be mean because he is helping pay for the place.

She says she really likes me and wants to have a long-term relationship with me. I really like her and want the same thing. She told me to be patient about this.

- J

Dear J: Only you can determine if your girlfriend's relationship with her ex is tolerable. You have told her that you don't like what she's doing, and her behavior indicates that she's concerned about her ex's discomfort - but she's fine with yours.

You can open up this topic in a new way by telling your girlfriend that you want to have an exclusive relationship with her, but to do so her ex needs to get off the couch and turn in his key. If he pays part of the mortgage, he would rightly consider the place partly his. If they truly have broken up, she should extract herself from this arrangement.

If you agree to have an exclusive relationship, then you - not her ex - should accompany her to the Caribbean. If she doesn't agree, it means that she is already in a long-term relationship - just not with you.