Ask Amy: What is she thinking? He is a liar and a cheat

Posted: April 30, 2008

Dear Amy: I am a 19-year-old student, and I recently began talking to a 32-year-old man. He has lied to me from the beginning. He wants to move the relationship further. I'm considering it.

When we first began to talk, he said he didn't have a girlfriend, but a few weeks later he had to admit it because he was supposed to come to my home state and meet me, but he ended up on house arrest and couldn't come. When I offered to visit him, he told me about his girlfriend.

I was shocked but not surprised (because I am at the point in my life where I believe that the majority of men lie). I said we could remain friends, but I did not want him to cheat on his girlfriend.

A few days ago, I asked him for advice about a disastrous relationship I was in, and he began making more advances.

I expressed my concern about his cheating on his girlfriend, and he flat out said, "If I want it and you want it, then why don't we just do it?" I told him that it would be betraying her.

What should I do? I really want to be with him, but I know that if he cheats with me he will cheat on me, so I will never be able to fully trust him. But he really seems like a nice person, and I want to give him a chance. Some of my friends are telling me not to do it, and others are telling me to do it.

- Wondering

Dear Wondering: Are you insane?

I gather you are chatting with this person online and have not even met him in person. That you are even contemplating having any further contact with this guy should force you to examine your own poor judgment.

This man lies, he is on house arrest, he is more than a decade older than you, which doesn't even address whether he's lying about his age. He is not a "nice person."

You seem to have a very low opinion of men in general and an even lower opinion of yourself.

If I could place you under "house arrest" until you get your act together, I would.


Send questions by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.

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