This year, it might be different. Obama appeals to callow, never-before voters, while McCain delights hardened-artery, Social Security seniors.
But listen to the Typical American:
"Most elections, I don't vote.
"When I do, it's because I've been goosed by TV commercials, where I get my political opinions.
"The BEST information I get from blogs and anonymous e-mails. That's how I know the North Vietnamese gave John McCain prostitutes when he was a POW. He didn't take early release because he was having too many seaweed wraps and too much sex.
"From e-mails I learned Barack HUSSEIN Obama is a secret Muslim, trained in a madrassa when he lived in Microsoftnesia, or someplace like that. I don't know what a madrassa is, but it sounds scary.
"MoveOn.org says McCain would keep U.S. troops fighting in Iran or Iraq (I forget which) for 100 years. That will make them the oldest soldiers in the world. They'd be riding Rascal scooters instead of Humvees.
"When I do bother to vote, I don't know the issues, just one or two that grab my gut. I get my political news from Rush Limbaugh and Jon Stewart. They're super-smart and they care about me.
"When I actually step into a voting booth - Wow! They're electronic now; hope I push the right button, not like some Florida Jews. When I don't know the candidates, I vote for those with my ethnic background.
"Bond Issues and Questions, I ignore. They don't affect me. Do they?
"The only one Rush talks about is gay marriage, which attacks the institution of marriage, he says. Who knows better than a man with three failed marriages? Stewart likes gay marriage. Because he's gay! At least he looks gay. But it's OK. You can be as gay as a pink squirrel if
you're funny.
