Jenice Armstrong: Would you marry you?

WOULD YOU marry you?

Think about it. In all seriousness, would you? Even knowing, say, your inability to admit to being wrong or your penchant for hogging the TV remote? Something to think about, huh?

This thought-provoking question was the headline on an e-mail that landed in my inbox yesterday, promoting an upcoming relationship workshop in Lansdowne.

Intrigued, I called the sender, James Wadley, a Philly-based marriage counselor/sex therapist, who took the question further. "If you know you were argumentative or resistant or oppositional in your last relationship, would you really want to marry somebody like you? Would you want to marry somebody who lies like you do? Would you want to marry somebody who's unsure about the direction they're going in?"

Would you want to marry somebody who snores really badly? OK, so he didn't say that. But if you're really picky, that could stop you. I have a friend who once bolted from a guy because he had sleep apnea and had to sleep in a face mask to help his breathing. She knew she was being superficial, but she couldn't handle it.

Wadley, 37, who has a doctorate in education with an emphasis on human-sexuality education from the University of Pennsylvania, poses the "would you marry you" question to people he counsels, because "it helps people to identify the challenges they have within themselves and also within their relationships.

"The natural response is 'Yeah, I'm a great catch.' But would you marry you when you're a person who may be too sloppy or who leaves kitchen cabinets open?"

Wadley, who teaches sociology and health at West Chester University, sometimes asks people to quiz close friends and family members to help them clarify how others see them. So, they might ask, "What do you see in me that might cloud a would-be loved one's ability to get to know me?" Or else, he suggests, ask a friend to describe your strong points.

"I think it's a wonderful exercise to do, especially if you're thinking about marrying somebody or moving in with somebody," said Wadley, who has counseled individuals and families for the past seven years. "Sometimes when people are in a relationship, they struggle to find some of the positive things within themselves."