It shouldn't happen. Not with all the new players on this roster. Not with the brand-new coaching staff and that newfangled West Coast offense.
At the very least, this team should be undefeated. And I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt there. With a little coaching and a quarterback, they might even be better than that.
Instead we're 5-5-1. I haven't looked at the standings, but I'm pretty sure every other NFL team is either 11-0 or 10-1. But not the Eagles. No, they're at .500 and were eliminated from playoff contention Sept. 14.
Even if they win the rest of their games, they'll finish with what? Ten wins? That's pathetic. I could see if they were the Detroit Lions. But these are the Philadelphia Eagles, a proud franchise that's won championships in every season that ends in '60.
First off, they should get rid of Donovan McNabb. I looked up his record once and do you know he's never completed two passes in a row? Not once. Bet you won't hear that from the butt-kissing media. And with the wide receivers he has, and the running game, he ought to be another Johnny U.
I mean, suppose McNabb was in like a fourth-and-26 situation in a playoff game against a great team like Green Bay? Do you think he could get it done? No way.
I'm predicting right here that as long as he's the QB, the Eagles will never get to a Super Bowl. They won't even make it as far as an NFC title game. They should have listened to me and stuck with Bobby Hoying.
And speaking of butterballs, they should fire Andy Reid too. What's he ever done? So he's won 100-plus games. Big deal. Who couldn't with this storied franchise? Even Rich Kotite won a Super Bowl or two. Didn't he?
It's no wonder the city is apoplectic. We are a national, perhaps even a universal, laughingstock. We Eagles fans pay good money to dress and act like children, and this is how we're repaid?
Seriously, though, are there provisions for public executions in Philadelphia's charter? Because let's face it, there really are no other solutions.
Oh, I suppose we could fire Reid, take away Joe Banner's checkbook privileges or make Jeffrey Lurie watch V.I. Warshawski. But, let's be reasonable, those things won't happen.
So let's try not to lose our heads during this worst-ever season.
But while we're waiting for it to end, let's get out the guillotine.
God help the USA
From the "We're Not Making This Up" files: Lee Greenwood, whose syrupy, sophomoric, flag-wrapped country anthems have ruined more baseball games than Jose Mesa and Comcast commercials combined, has been appointed to the National Endowment for the Arts by President Bush.
That means Greenwood now will be doling out public dollars to sculptors, composers, artists and filmmakers he deems worthy. Isn't that like putting the Goldman Sachs CEO in charge of the economic bailout?
NASCAR note of the week
Not long ago, driver Kurt Busch walked to a banquet podium to accept an award. Here, unedited, is what he said:
"Family, to me, means everything, so first off I'd like to start by thanking my mom, my dad, my grandmother, Kurt, and my girlfriend Eva. Eva? Err, Erica. Sorry."
Eva, it turned out, was his sister-in-law's name.
(Cue "Dueling Banjos.")
Couple of cool cats
Our thanks to Joe Paterno and Chase Utley. Until their surgeries this week, it had been a long time since anyone used the words "Pennsylvania" and "hip" in the same sentence.
Contact staff writer Frank Fitzpatrick at 215-854-5068