WHEN TATTLE was a Tattbit, a riotous riddle made the rounds of our second- grade class.
Q: Who invented the bikini?
A: Seymour Hair.
That dopey joke, so similar to a host of slightly rude punchlines pre-teens find so funny, was recalled yesterday for the first time in ages when word came in to the Tattle Indecency Bureau that the Parents Television Council has branched out into radio, cautioning parents and radio stations across the country about the new Britney Spears song "If You Seek Amy."
Say it fast a few times and it'll sound like something that would have made you giggle on the school playground before you got hauled into the principal's office.
That Britney. So clever, witty and urbane. It's like Cole Porter has returned with the mind of Bart Simpson.
Anyway, the PTC says that broadcasting the song between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. would violate the broadcast indecency law.
The song makes repeated use of the following line: "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy."
Read it slowly and it doesn't even make any sense.
"This may sound Yogi Berra-ish, but Britney's song is a double-entendre with only one meaning," said PTC President Tim Winter. "There is no misinterpreting the lyrics to this song; and it's certainly not about a girl named Amy."
As much as we hate censorship, we also hate it when organizations like the PTC actually have a point.
* Taken to the next extreme,
you get the Florida Family Association, which is mad at the AARP for taking an ad promoting a "Better Sex"-improvement video for those of retirement age.
Heaven forbid.
Razzies love 'Guru'
Mike Myers' comedy flop "The Love Guru" led the field yesterday for the Razzies with seven nominations, among them worst picture and worst-acting slots for Myers, Jessica Alba, Verne Troyer and Academy Award winner Ben Kingsley.
"This is one of those auteur-of-the-awful situations," John Wilson, founder of the Razzies, said of Myers. "I think people are tired of him in general. He hasn't really made a good movie in quite some time."
The other worst-picture contenders were "Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans," Hollywood spoofs that shared a nomination for a "badly beaten dead horse of a concept"; the fright flick "The Happening"; the Paris Hilton mega-bomb "The Hottie & the Nottie"; and the sword-and-sorcery fantasy "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale."
Razzie "winners" will be announced Feb. 21, the day before the Oscars.
