Another senseless 'Friday' at Crystal Lake

A hallmark of the "Friday the 13th" series is that none of the movies make much sense.

That's certainly true of the fancy (by franchise standards) new remake/sequel hybrid, which takes place at a vacation home next to the notorious Camp Crystal Lake.

That's right: a vacation home next to Camp Crystal Lake, site of some 4,000 horrific unsolved murders. Is there a less desirable piece of real estate in America, outside of Amityville? At least the cursed homeowners who bought in the "Poltergeist" development were largely unaware they had built atop a burial ground.

But grisly events at Crystal Lake are well known, and are in fact discussed by the group of hikers who, at the movie's outset, venture near the lake in search of a large field of untended marijuana that is said to be there. ( All that water, all that marijuana - maybe Michael Phelps could be persuaded to relocate.)

Woe to these hikers. They find pot, but they also find Jason Voorhees, who still lives at the nearby camp, and still kills young people (thoughtfully waiting until after they've had sex).

The new version pays respects to all incarnations of Jason - bald and deformed, bag over the head, and the hockey mask classic. It also re-explains Jason's animus - he kills to avenge his mom, who was beheaded by a Crystal Lake camper.

So he's still a momma's boy, and in fact imprisons rather than kills one lass who resembles his mother. The girl's brother (Jared Padalecki) comes looking for her, dragging along another young lady, part of a gang of likely victims partying at the nearby vacation spot.

This new "Friday the 13th" captures the unimaginative, imitative spirit of the original, but lacks its drive-in crudity.

It's made by the folks at Platinum Dunes, the Michael Bay outfit that takes defunct horror brands and turns them into Michael Bay movies - which is to say slick, soulless entertainment.

"Friday" was already soulless, but now it's slick, without being much improved. It does, however, deliver on producer Brad Fuller's promise to include more sex and much more nudity. *