Bill Conlin: No offense, but here are the Phillies you wouldn't want to marry your daughter

John Denny (RH Starter and Captain): The scripture-spouting, brimstone-breathing pitcher won the Cy Young Award in 1983. If there had been an award for the biggest jackass in MLB, he would have won that, as well. I'll limit the stuff Denny pulled during his thankfully brief career here. During one of his born-again lectures, he informed a Jewish writer that he was "of the wrong faith." Another time, he got in trouble for laying hands on a Cincinnati writer. Two words describe him: elitist creep. ESPN.com's Jayson Stark reminded me of Denny's first meeting with the Phillies media in September 1982 after he was acquired from the Indians in a trade. Stark says Denny pulled out a prepared statement denouncing the media for its biased and inaccurate reporting. He then folded the statement and said, "I won't be giving interviews." That was just fine by us.

Randy Lerch (LHP): The tall lefthander never learned that if you're going to run with the big dogs, you better not fake your bark. Randy was implicated in the 1980 Reading amphetamines scandal that hung a cloud of taint over a team the defense attorney called "World Champions of Lying." The players whose names showed up on the prescription slips might have convinced the jury that the unofficial Reading team doctor had indeed used their names to obtain prescription amphetamines to sell. But Lerch cracked on the witness stand, admitted receiving the pills, and months of lying by Phillies officials and the involved players went up in smoke. Lerch was traded and the scandal soon blew over amid the euphoria of the first World Series title.

Reliever

 

Al Holland: Helped bring the cocaine that was so pervasive in the late '70s and early '80s from the back alleys and private clubs into the Phillies' clubhouse. The ace closer brought in a pal named Curtis Strong, known for his barbecued ribs and chicken, to provide the postgame clubhouse spread. "You want Coke with those ribs?" went from an order line to entendre. Strong became lead defendant in an explosive Pittsburgh drug trial that resulted in his conviction on 11 counts. Curtis served 4 years of a 12-year sentence. Eleven players were suspended by commissioner Peter Ueberroth, seven for a full year. Holland escaped a 60-day suspension by donating 5 percent of his base pay to drug-fighting agencies and performing community service.

Manager

 

Larry Bowa: Mutiny was never more than a scowl, a gesture or an eye-roll away. Larry would have been a great manager in '04 - 1904, that is. *

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