Joe Sixpack: Calorie-counters, not all beer is equal

HOW MANY calories are in your favorite beer? There's almost no way to know for sure.

Unlike most all other food products in America, beer, wine and spirits are exempt from the federal Food & Drug Administration's nutritional labeling requirements. Those labels we squint at while grazing in the supermarket for low-fat Cheez Doodles are absent from beer packaging.

"Even mom-and-pop oatmeal cookie companies have to divulge their nutritional data," author Bob Skilnik said. "Why not brewers and vintners?"

Mandatory labeling is on the horizon, Skilnik said. But until federal alcohol regulators get their act together, the longtime Chicago beer writer has taken it upon himself to painstakingly collect the data.

By mining Web sites, interviewing brewers and assembling rough calculations, he's produced the world's first comprehensive guide to nutritional values of beer, "Does My Butt Look Big in This Beer?" (Gambrinus Media, $10).

Besides calories, the book details the carbohydrates, alcohol by volume and Weight Watchers points of 2,000 beers from around the world.

Personally, I don't give a spit how many calories are in my beer. I drink it for purely hedonistic enjoyment; the last thing I want while draining my bottle is to glance down and see one of those nanny labels wagging its finger at me.

With that caveat, Skilnik's book is an eye-opener, especially for calorie-counters who believe all beer is created equal.

Pull a bottle of Victory Prima Pils from the fridge, and you're enjoying a hoppy, full-flavored lager for just 171 calories. Reach for Victory Golden Monkey instead, and you're looking at 281.

Care for a stout? A bottle of Guinness is just 125 calories. You could drink three of them before you reach the 400 calories in a single bottle of Bell's Expedition Stout.

Those obsessed with Weight Watchers points are going to love/hate this book. The all-sacred points are easy-to-remember, trademarked numbers that are the product of a food's calories, fat and fiber. (Daily total point intake depends on weight and range from about 20 points for women to 26 for men.)

For years, franchised diet gurus have instructed their followers that a 12-ounce serving of "regular beer" equals 3 points, as if there's no difference between a pale ale and a Belgian-style tripel.

Jean Nidetch, allow me to introduce you to Sam Calagione, the brewer at Dogfish Head whose 120 Minute IPA rings in at nine - yes, nine - points. A single bottle equals, um, lunch.