Kalas, Ashburn reunion

There has been much talk since Harry Kalas' death about his possible heavenly reunion with longtime broadcast partner and friend Richie Ashburn.

I'd pay to see that:

"The great Don Richard Ashburn! I've missed you these last 12 years, Whiteness. How 'bout a hug?"

"Harry, would you want to rumple this handcrafted sweater? You know, this might not be the best time to bring this up, but I hope you realize there's no justice in the world. I mean, my body was always a finely tuned machine. While you were singing 'High Hopes' in piano bars at 2 a.m., I was in my hotel room exercising or preparing for the next day's pregame show. And yet, somehow, you outlived me by more than a decade."

"I had to stick around, my friend. There were some interesting seasons to chronicle."

"There were?"

"Sure, the Fightin's moved into a new stadium in 2004. By the way, pal, one of its most popular features is an outfield food court named in your honor, that Ash-burn Al-ley."

"Alley? I don't know whether you recall this or not, Harry, but I was beloved in Philadelphia. Beloved. You'd think they'd at least have named that place an Avenue."

"Hey, the Fightin's also won a World Series in 2008."

"That I knew. It was the same day hell froze over."

"Can I ask how you know what's going on in hell?"

"St. Peter. He's a Mets fan."

"Before I forget, Whitey, I'd like to pass along our best wishes to Ida Mae Goshenhoppen of Lebanon. Ida Mae, best wishes from all of us up here and we hope that goiter shrinks real soon."

"That's right, Ida Mae, and we hope you'll send along some of that Seltzer's Lebanon bologna when you're feeling better. Harry, a man can eat only so much manna."

"So how about a tour, Whiteness? What's it like up here? I hear it's more beautiful than that St. Pe-ter's Ba-sil-i-ca."

"Harry, it reminds me an awful lot of Tilden, Nebraska."

"Anybody I should meet?"

"How 'bout those Celebre's twins, plain and pepperoni?"

"Whitey, that shameless plea for free pizza doesn't work up here, does it?"

"Only if it's OKd by Dale Murphy."

"But Murph's still alive, Whiteness."

"He is? Harry, you'd think some of the many people they employ and pay good money to up here would keep me informed on these kinds of things."

"May I ask why you don't have your wings yet?"

"Good question, Harry. I'm beginning to think the same people who overlooked me in the Hall of Fame voting somehow made it up here and are making the same bad decisions. I mean, what's a spirit have to do to get a pair of wings?"