Chris Mortensen reported that the Lions signed Matthew Stafford despite the fact that he didn't shave when he interviewed in Detroit. Scandalous. Mort made it sound like having stubble is tantamount to testing positive for crystal meth.
Chris Berman keeps describing Mark Sanchez as being a "sexy" pick. I wish he would stop. Hearing Boomer say "sexy" is like asking da Vinci to bake an apple pie.
On the plus side, Mel Kiper's hair has been particularly insightful.
I don't know how anyone can hate the draft. You just don't get entertainment like this every day. And the fun has just begun.
4:05 p.m.: It's on. Stafford is at the podium. Bless his heart, he has to move to Detroit. Stafford's contract reportedly guarantees him $41 million. My advice to Stafford: Take the money. Go to Greektown. Buy lots of ouzo. You're going to need it.
4:06: Every male with a television is now wondering whether the blonde with Stafford is his woman or his sister.
4:32: Wake Forrest linebacker Aaron Curry just went to the Seahawks. Tears are streaming down his face. I haven't seen anyone blubber like this in public since Pat Gillick broke down during the ring ceremony. The two of them could have an awesome crying contest.
4:42: The Jets traded up to get Southern Cal quarterback Mark Sanchez with the fifth pick. The Jets fans in attendance look genuinely happy. It's a little disappointing, frankly. My favorite part of the draft each year is when Jets fans get really angry after a selection and look like they're about to riot. Maybe next time.
4:42.28: Spoke too soon. One Jets fan just mouthed "horrible" to the camera. Another made a gagging face. That's much better. I expect them to start lighting small fires any second now.
