One or two polite lagers served in Michelle's White House crystal just ain't going to get the job done.
Check the brass knuckles at the door, sit down and plow into a case or two of cold ones.
Sure, someone'll call the other guy a name, and he'll tell him where to stick it. But as someone once said, the beer goes in and truth comes out.
Will that settle their differences? Maybe not. I'd be happy if they can just agree on how much to tip the pizza guy.
As for the beer itself - Bud Light for the president, Blue Moon for the cop, Red Stripe for the prof - well, to each his own.
But let me tell you a quick story about how a couple of guys I know in the beer business once settled a dispute.
The two - a pair of brewers named Adam Avery, of Colorado, and Vinnie Cilurzo, of California - discovered a few years ago that they were both bottling a beer with the same name.
Now, they could've hired lawyers or gone on TV to gripe. Instead, they grabbed their bottles and poured a little from each into the same glass.
Incredibly, the two beers together tasted better than either one of them alone.
It was so good they decided everyone should taste the mixture, which is now ingeniously labeled with both their logos and called Collaboration Not Litigation.
Mr. President, Professor Gates, Officer Crowley - pour your beer into one glass and give it a guzzle.
Just don't spill it on the damn rug, 'cause Michelle will kick your butts.