Fantasy football: Don’t believe the Moats hype

All right, I'll say it. The trailer for the movie Avatar looks like the biggest, stinking pile of celluloidal yak I've ever seen in my life. Blue people riding on the backs of dragons? Not unless I just inhaled a vat of Wite-Out. (And there goes my shot at appearing in Goodfellas II, if James Cameron is director.) There's only one blue man I want to see in a feature film and that's Tobias Fünke.

What does this have to do with fantasy football? Close to nothing. But the 31/2 minutes of life I wasted watching said trailer - that I'll never get back - was time I could have used to get on the waiver wire and pick up Ryan Moats. Not that it would have mattered. Every Na'vi and his dragon wanted Moats. A three-TD game by an unclaimed player in November is like a cherry starburst raining down from heaven. And that's why this week shall forever be known as the Week Ryan Moats Broke the Waiver Wire.

I can't remember a player in the last 10 years that created such a "Teen Wolf riding on top of Stylez's van" type rush this late into the season. Samkon Gado? Nick Goings? (It's not the comings I'm worried about but the Goings.) Maybe one of the bazillion Broncos running backs to rush for 1,000? (You wouldn't recognize Olandis Gary if he showed up at your door on Halloween wearing an Olandis Gary jersey.) If you're the lucky one who nabbed Moats, I have two pieces of advice: 1.) Trade him. 2.) Now.

Here's my not-so-fearless prediction for the Texans' three-way RB situation: It will drive you crazy. (Note: the fifth image that pops up when you search "crazy"? Gary Busey.) Just claimed Moats? Great. Enjoy Chris Brown getting the goal-line carries. Just benched Steve Slaton? Terrif. Now take a hammer to your occipital lobe while he lines up in the slot and gets all the catches Owen Daniels was getting. This will be painful.

Fact is, there's no way to know for sure who will get the carries this week, next week or the week after. And one 5-for-26 outing and your trade value for Moats è morto. His stock will never be higher than right now.

8-177-2: Maurice Jones-Drew's final stats from last week. If this was a 1980s sitcom, a character named Cockroach or Skippy would spit-take. How can a guy average 20 yards a carry and not get 5, 10, 15 more touchés? But fear not, MoJo owners, the headline of the week comes courtesy of the Florida Time Union:

Del Rio to Garrard: Give ball to Jones-Drew