SideShow YOUR DAILY DOSE OF GOSSIP

Martha Stewart, clearly superior

A Martha Stewart-Rachael Ray mud wrestle? Yes, please! Martha started it, oh, she did. Last night on ABC's Nightline, she smacked Rachael's skillet skills. She told host Cynthia McFadden that the pert, feisty, spunky, perky Rachael shtick's "not good enough for me. . . . She's more of an entertainer . . . with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me." Downtrodden Rachael kept her composure while (we're sure) grinding her molars to powder. She tells ABC, "Why would it make me mad? Her skill set is far beyond mine." Her food? "I'd rather eat Martha's than mine, too." Awww, Rachael, hey, come cook Thanksgiving dinner at our place. We're having 117 people over.

Cable Guy, master of metaphor!

Not often are we moved to stop and applaud a simile for its wit and subtlety, but on Wednesday's Jay Leno Show on NBC, we had to. The source was that fountain of graceful comparison, Larry the Cable Guy. He said something or other "makes me madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory." He and Jay Leno paused to let the audience catch up, which it did with a chuckle. LTCG is threatening to throw a Hawaiian-themed holiday party titled Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau at 8 tonight on CMT. All sorts of stuff mixed up!

Man charged in Erin Andrews vid crime

The feds have charged Michael David Barrett with stalking ESPN reporter Erin Andrews cross-country. In 2008, they say, he canvassed hotels in Wisconsin, Tennessee, and Ohio to learn where she was staying, got a room next to hers, altered the peephole, made videos of her when she was undressed, posted them on the Web, and even tried to sell them. Strangely, so far, he is charged with only one count of interstate stalking. Celeb site TMZ says Barrett actually sent them the video, "but we did not post it."

Jack Sparrow swashes his buckle