Fact: You're not going to bench Adrian Peterson. Or Reggie Wayne. Or Ray Rice. (With your physique you're not going to bench what Ronald McDonald does.) But still, c'mon man. Stud players with rotten eggy Week 13s?!? That's not the fantasy you signed up for.
This is the playoffs. (Playoffs?!?) Timing is everything. What you need are hot hands. What you need is to feel (feel, feel) someone's heat. Hold onto your skinny jeans. Here are six hot moves that will win you your fantasy!
1. Picking up the Cardinals' defense. 35 percent owned and coming off the most impressive defensive performance of the week. 19 yards for Peterson! And here's the best part: 49ers (No. 18), Lions (No. 29), and Rams (No. 32) the next three weeks. That's like finishing off Tyson's Punch out with Piston Honda, Von Kaiser, and Glass Joe.
2. Picking up Alex Smith. Nobody - and I mean No to the Body - has a better ending sked than Ol' Small Hands. Detroit and St. Louis in Weeks 16 and 17. PTI doesn't have as good a Big Finish. (Good night, Canada!) When Brees / Manning / Warner / Favre are popping bottles of champagne in the second half of the last two weeks, you'll want a guy who's playing to the very end - for a job - vs. the worst defenses in the league.
3. Benching Matt Forte. Ten percent of Forte's yards this year have come on one run - a 61-yarder against the Lions in Week 4. He's averaging 3.4 yards a carry and Lovie Smith has been talking about splitting the workload. That's like telling a Perkins waitress you want to see other people. (Too soon?)
4. Starting Jamaal Charles. Almost 400 total yards and four TDs in his last four games. His next three are against Buffalo, Cleveland, and a Cincy team that will have clinched the division by then. After Chris Johnson, Peterson, Jones-Drew, and Steven Jackson, there's not a running back I feel better about down the stretch.
5. Finding a spot for Robert Meachem. Five touchdowns in five games and leading the league in ripping the ball out of the hands of an interceptor and returning it for a touchdown.
6. Monitoring all Cowboys. SAT Prep! December Swoon: Dallas Cowboys as ---: MTV's Jersey Shore? (a) Fake Bake Tans (b) Hair Gel (c) Ripped Fuel (d) Overall Mama-lukeness. Answer E: All of the above. Romo / Austin / Witten might make sense this week vs. SD, and next vs. NO, but be ready to shut it down if the swoon starts.
Still holding onto the skinny jeans? Good. Let's move to the argyle sweater for Three Stoonad Moves That Will Kill Your Fantasy!
