In fact, we can only really guess his favorite brand.
Is Santa a hophead? Sierra Nevada Celebration boasts the classic aroma of Cascades hops. Geary's Winter Ale uses British Fuggles. Rogue Santa's Private Reserve adds a variety known by the brewery as "Rudolph."
Does he favor spice? The classic is Anchor Our Special Ale, made with a different, secret variety of herbs and spices every year. Bethlehem Brew Works' Rude Elf's Reserve is made with cinnamon, sweet gale, cloves, coriander, nutmeg and allspice.
How about rich, dark malt? The Bruery's Two Turtle Doves is potent with a nutty chocolate finish.
High alcohol? Port Brewing's Santa's Little Helper will raise his spirits with 10.5 percent alcohol by volume. Doggy Claws from Hair of the Dog is a barley wine that scratches 11.5 percent.
As Santa circles the globe on Christmas Eve, he'll find something brewed in his honor in nearly every country. Belgium offers Pere Noel and Kerst Pater ("Father Christmas" in French and Dutch, respectively). From England, there's Very Bad Elf; from Germany, he'd find his own image on bottles of Monchshof Weihnachtsbier.
In Norway, he'd sip God Jul; in Mexico, it would be Noche Buena. Either way, it's the holiday way of saying "good night."
So, which would Santa drink?
I thought I might get the answer a few years ago, on St. Nicholas Day, Dec. 6. That's when the Schloss Eggenberg brewery in Austria brews its renowned Samichlaus, a strong (14 percent alcohol), brandylike triple bock whose name is the Swiss-German translation of Santa Claus. The beer is aged for 10 months before its release to beer fans around the world.
Both Santa and I were in attendance at a special mass held inside the brewery's chapel to celebrate the brewing - the perfect opportunity to interview Claus himself.
But the fat boy was too busy sipping samples and, despite my best efforts, I couldn't get a definitive answer.
"Like we say at the North Pole," he replied when I asked his favorite. "I'm making a list."
"Joe Sixpack" by Don Russell appears Fridays in the Daily News. For more on the beer scene in Philly and beyond, visit www.joesixpack.net. Send e-mail to joesixpack@phillynews.com.
