John Baer: Political ag-ony: All's fair, and fried

THIS COLUMN isn't nearly as entertaining as it might have been.

I'd planned to tour the 94th annual Pennsylvania Farm Show, in Harrisburg, with Philly biz-guy millionaire and Democratic candidate for governor, Tom Knox.

I imagined big fun, wending our way through hay and tractors, horses, goats, pigs and chickens, and a food court the size of a football field filled with fried things from the land.

I pictured an impeccably attired Knox eschewing his 46th-floor, $7 million Center City condo lifestyle for the rural sights and smells of the state on opening day of this year's show Saturday.

I saw us mingling with those who toil in the soil as we viewed the nation's largest indoor Ag event, the Louvre of Pennsylvania's farming community, home to a 1,000-pound butter sculpture that some say stops bad hearts on sight.

(This year's "real dairy butter" artwork is a life-size scene of four people and a cow at a kitchen table. Visitors were having their pictures taken in front of it.)

But, alas, Knox was a Farm Show no-show. Flu-stricken, I'm told. Ironic if it's swine, eh?

I asked if this setback occurred after he saw his Saturday schedule. But aide Josh Morrow said, no, he really was sick and could provide a doctor's note if needed.

So, instead of introducing Knox to a 350-pound Duroc sow (I'm talking about an animal, not a running mate) or urging him to try some deep-fried cheese, I heard speeches.

Four other Democrats running for governor - Scranton Mayor Chris Doherty, Montco Commish Joe Hoeffel, Allegheny County Exec Dan Onorato and state Auditor General Jack Wagner - pandered, er, spoke to a group called the Penn Ag Dems.

I figure there are 12 or 13 Democratic farmers in the state, but they must have brought all their kin. The meatloaf/mashed-potatoes luncheon was 200 folks strong.

How'd the city-boys do? I wouldn't say there's a Best of Show, but I'll hand out some ribbons:

* BEST PUREBRED: Pittsburgh's Onorato, the Dems' front-runner, was impressive in a touch-all-bases approach. In a 10-minute spiel, he told of bringing new development to a rusted county, cutting taxes and consolidating services. He rattled off Ag stats. He was quick to remind his audience that he did the same luncheon last year, despite a snowstorm. He made a gracious reference to other candidates, and he had a large stack of his six-page "Plan for Agriculture" at the door for attendees to grab on the way out.