Gonzo: Nowhere to hide

January 22, 2010|By John Gonzalez, Inquirer Columnist
  • Residents photograph the Gentle Path facility , where Tiger Woods is reportedly being treated.

You have to sign a "celibacy contract" when you enter sex rehab. It's true. You also have to attend one-on-one and group therapy sessions, which sound pretty hot but probably aren't.

There was a time when you had to be in sex rehab to know about sex rehab. Not anymore. Now all you need is ESPN.

That's a little something I like to call progress.

I turned on SportsCenter the other morning when the Disney-owned program began discussing reports that Tiger Woods is in Mississippi to get help for his reported addiction to women who aren't his wife. It was a fairly frank segment. I hope Snow White wasn't watching, though I suspect the seven dwarfs have heard worse.

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SportsCenter host Josh Elliott interviewed Benoit Denizet-Lewis about the Woods situation. Denizet-Lewis didn't break the rehab story, but the Deadspin contributor sure knew a lot about the topic - probably because he authored a book about his own sex addiction. Things I learned from their chat: Patients have homework assignments and must promise not to mess around with anyone at the facility (including themselves). As you might imagine, it was a super-comfortable conversation.

When it was over, SportsCenter pivoted to the NFC championship or something. I think. I'm sure it was a seamless transition.

That's where we are now, folks. Forget about TMZ or the National Enquirer (both gleefully ran pictures of Woods outside the rehab center). ESPN, the Associated Press, the New York Times, Chicago Sun-Times, Boston Herald, Huffington Post, and other mainstream media outlets also have addressed the salacious story that has nothing to do with golf or the forthcoming Masters. Maybe, like the Hattiesburg American editorial staff (that's the paper of record in the Mississippi town now doubling as Sex Rehab, USA), you find that unsavory.

"There is a fine line between covering Woods when he wrecks his car and extending coverage when and if he gets treatment," the Hattiesburg American opined, imploring the media to give Woods some privacy.

The good people of Hattiesburg must not have ESPN. Or cable. Or the Internet. It's not a fine line anymore. It's not blurred, either. On the contrary, it's quite clear there's no going back to the good old days when players and coaches could drive drunk or womanize without being outed.

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