Gonzo: Olympian opinions on 'real' sports

Posted: February 17, 2010

While wondering why anyone would willingly hurl himself down a luge track at 80-plus m.p.h., it's time to empty out the mailbag:

NBC's coverage should be called: "Desperately Seeking Storylines." It's Lindsey Vonn, Apolo Anton Ohno, and 100 Jane and John Does. Our female ice skaters are total unknowns.

Oh, for the days of Tonya Harding.

- Jerry

Jerry,

It's really not NBC's fault that there aren't a ton of big or recognizable athletes associated with these Games. I would add Bode Miller, Shaun White, Johnny Weir, Lindsey Jacobellis, and a few others to the list of known (if not necessarily household) names at the 2010 Winter Olympics, but you're probably right that the catalog isn't all that thick.

I'm sort of torn about Tonya. She was nuts and provided us with real drama, but you can't have Tonya without Nancy Kerrigan, and that's a deal- breaker for me. I can still hear the latter sobbing and screaming, "Why?!"

Whatever happened to sucking it up and taking a baton to the knee like a (wo)man?

- Gonzo

While I realize you consider yourself funny, I cannot resist informing you that many of us would prefer to watch cross-country skiing and other winter specialties to watching (or in my case never watching) grossly overpaid men knock each other silly on the football field. One happy unexpected consequence of the switch to digital TV was, for me, the discovery that on my little non-cable-connected television, I now get Universal Sports, a network that carries all the seasonal sports you scoff at.

- Marie

Marie,

Scoff? You clearly have me confused with someone else. Cross-country skiers like Switzerland's Dario Cologna and Italy's Pietro Piller Cottrer are international superstars who deserve our admiration. How those guys make it through an airport without being mobbed by hot groupies is beyond me.

And the poor Norwegians, right? When they failed to medal in the men's 15-kilometer race the other day, NBC announcer Al Trautwig said it was like the Yankees failing to win the World Series.

Made sense to me. When the Yankees beat the Phillies in the fall, it felt just like the Norwegians sweeping the cross-country events.

- Gonzo

As a fellow "big head," I am alarmed at the increasing onslaught of head jokes made at your expense. It seems like almost an hourly occurrence. 

Hang in there. 

- JP

JP,

Ever see the Seinfeld episode where Elaine is walking through Central Park and a bird flies right into her noggin? A guy sitting on a park bench watches the whole thing and says, "He flew right into your head - like he couldn't avoid it." That almost happened to me in Boston. I was maybe half a second from catching a beak in the brain.

Meanwhile, despite my protests, the evil editors here insist on using my giant floating melon as the letter "O" in my column sig even though it's painful and embarrassing. If I was heavy, would they ask me to take a picture wearing a Page 2 belly shirt?

I'm hiring a lawyer. That has to be a form of workplace discrimination.

- Gonzo

Do they really have an omelet [bar] for you guys at the Eagles games?  If that is the case I want to become a journalist.

- Justin

Justin,

They do indeed. Press food is the main reason why I returned to newspapers. That and the job security.

- Gonzo

I hate the All-Star Game but I wanted [Allen] Iverson to be in it. The All-Star Game is not a legitimate/serious event. If it wasn't a popularity contest then no one would watch.

- Alyssa

Alyssa,

Sing it, sister. I can't figure out why anyone would care who the fans vote to start in the All-Star Game. It's a meaningless exhibition meant to squeeze more money out of the paying public. Might as well let them see their favorites while they get their pockets picked.

- Gonzo

  

Why were you watching the Channel 6 blizzard coverage? I thought we were an NBC10 Family now. Uncle Vai would not be pleased.

- Mom

Mom,

How did you get this e-mail address? I thought we agreed that once I legally emancipated myself, we'd only contact each other through our attorneys.

- Gonzo


Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com.

Follow him on Twitter at www.twitter.com/gonzophilly

comments powered by Disqus
|
|
|
|
|