Gonzo: Shawn Andrews' tweets: Follow if you can

Newspapers are finished. It's true. Old-school scribes can't compete with the modern digital bard.

The first story I had professionally published ran 14 years ago. Everything I've penned since then has been garbage - at least relative to the stuff Shawn Andrews is tweeting. Compared with him, we're all Tucker Max, slopping words onto the page and lowering the level of the language.

Twitter and athletes is an old story. This isn't about that. This is about Andrews and how Twitter has become his addiction and best form of expression, which is great for the rest of us (though I suspect the Eagles organization might not agree). For that reason alone, the Birds should keep Andrews around. Forget football. He could replace Dave Spadaro and the entire Internet team down at the NovaCare Complex all by himself. He's that prolific.

In one 24-hour period this week, Andrews tweeted an astounding 134 times - or roughly one tweet every 10 minutes. I wonder if he has a shower-proof Twitter device or if he just skips cleaning himself altogether.

I was late to the game but have since become a Twitter twit. I'm on it so much I somehow ended up in an online curling club with my Twitter friends, much to the dismay and concern of the flesh-and-blood people I see every day. And even I think Andrews needs to step away from the keyboard for a second and interact with someone in person. (I tweeted Andrews and asked if he cared to comment for the story, but after a couple of exchanges he failed to commit in time.)

You know that scene in Anchorman when one of the female employees from the TV station reveals that Ron Burgundy will read "an-y-th-ing" off the teleprompter? Yeah, well, @shawnandrews73 will tweet an-y-th-ing. (Understand that everything quoted below from his Twitter feed is presented exactly as Andrews wrote it.)

Recently, Andrews divulged what he plans to do when he gets back to Philly. To wit: "hitting old city donuts," "eating Nutter Butters with Mayor Nutter," sneaking up to "ring the Liberty Bell to see if we can go 2 for 2 w/ a second crack," and visiting Onyx to "make it rain smiley face I.O.U.'S."