Gonzo: The joy of spring: Phillies return

It's been a grim few months. There's no denying it. Best to just accept the facts.

The Eagles are bogged down in the usual offseason muck, the Flyers have underachieved for much of the year, and the 76ers - despite the city's best efforts to ignore the franchise altogether - continue to operate for reasons few fathom. Temple and Villanova were bounced from the NCAA tournament in unceremonious fashion. Shawn Andrews gave up on Twitter. Flash mobs run rampant. The mayor proposed a soda tax. The "check engine" light on my SUV won't go off.

And, most troubling of all, on Saturday the Sixers held a birthday bash for Hip-Hop the Gangsta Bunny. One of the team's PR people suggested I attend and bring my godson. I wonder why she hates the two of us.

The world has gone mad.

But now, in our darkest hour, our saviors have returned. Your Philadelphia Phillies - winners of the 2008 World Series and two consecutive National League championships - begin playing games that count Monday in Washington.

If only to spare us from the endless Donovan McNabb talk, the return of the kings comes at the perfect time.

The Fightin's could quite literally keep us from fightin' each other. I received an e-mail last week from a reader who claimed he very nearly threw down with a fellow Philly knucklehead when their debate over McNabb's legacy turned heated on a city street. (Meanwhile, if the McNabb speculation continues, it'll be self-immolation time on my end. It's the less painful option.)

Charlie Manuel's Phillies are the feel-good team this city has always wanted but usually lacked. Over the last few seasons, they've entertained us with off-field antics (Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard freestyling "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"), crazy stories (Brett Myers supposedly falling out of an Escalade, and those strange ads with Cole and Heidi Hamels that ran in Philly Mag), and the occasional clubhouse gag (remember when they told Kyle Kendrick he'd been traded to Japan?). And, best of all, they've won games. Lots of them. The team that set a major-league record by being the first to reach 10,000 losses has secured more than 90 victories each of the last two seasons.