Gonzo: The joy of spring: Phillies return

Starting Monday, I'll be in Augusta, Ga., for the Masters and the Tiger Woods madness. Odds on Tiger (according to Bodog) winning the event: 4/1. Odds on me getting ejected for violating some arcane rule: even. . . . Some savage masquerading as a chef in New York City received international attention after he turned his wife's breast milk into cheese and sold it to his customers. To review: They wiped the strip joints out of Times Square, but this is apparently acceptable. . . . Like many of us, a company called Bluebeard's Original - "makers of products for the bearded man" - was saddened that Jayson Werth recently shaved. In an attempt to get him to regrow his facial hair, the outfit is offering the outfielder a free one-year supply of Bluebeard's Original Beard Saver and Beard Wash, as well as its first-ever "Bluebeard Man of the Year" title (tinyurl.com/jwerthbeard). I'd like to see them throw in an eye patch and a parrot, but that's still a good deal.

Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com.

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