Dear Amy: I have a best friend whom I've been close to all my life. We went to high school and college together, and he got married just less than a year ago. Throughout his relationship, he cheated constantly.
I never said anything to him about it really; I just sort of laughed it off after every time it happened. I turned a blind eye to it all, hoping it would subside after marriage, but just recently it happened again.
His wife is the best, too. She's kind, caring, everything a man should look for.
Recently, I've been so uncomfortable around him and his wife because I feel this immense sense of guilt about it all.
I know I should say something to him, but he gets so defensive. I could never say anything to her. I know if she ever found out, his life and hers would both be ruined. What should I do?
- Bothered in Orlando Dear Bothered: A cheater gets defensive when caught.How very unexpected.
If you can't confront your best friend about behavior that you find reprehensible, perhaps you can both dodge and tackle this by saying to him a version of, "I feel terrible. I feel I've been a bad friend. I've watched as you've behaved badly, and I've never let you know the truth about how your behavior affects me. Now I'm so uncomfortable and feel so guilty that I really can't be around you."
Sometimes, being a "best friend" means you have to man up and tell the truth, even when you know it will make someone uncomfortable and affect the relationship.
If this man's wife really is "the best," she'll probably want to know about her husband's cheating. Among other affronts, he could be exposing her to STDs.
