Ask Amy: She treated husband and lover shabbily

Dear Amy: I have been married for 19 years. I have three awesome kids (teens/young adults) and a husband who loves me.

Our marriage has been very rocky, though, and there were many periods without intimacy.

A year and a half ago, after 17 years of never even looking at another man, I cracked. I went looking for excitement, affirmation and fun, with no strings attached.

What I found, however, was a man who grabbed me by the heartstrings so quickly and so deeply that I became someone I never thought I could be. I ended up lying to him about my marital status.

Then my husband found out and called him to tell him I was married and had been deceiving him. I was forbidden to talk to him and he didn't fight for me.

It is now three months later and my husband has chosen to forgive me and wants to move on with our lives.

I have been in counseling, I've prayed and I'm keeping myself as busy as I can, but every moment I am unoccupied my thoughts run back to him and I crumble all over again.

- Conflicted

Dear Conflicted: You have behaved abominably. You seem eager to continue behaving abominably - but your boyfriend has too much integrity to let you.

You could hasten your recovery from romantus interruptus by continuing to explore your own motivations and behavior with a counselor.

Your husband seems to want to stay married, but you also need to decide whether to stay in your marriage. Given your choice to cheat on your husband (and lie to your lover), you have an honesty problem. This has nothing to do with either man in your life - but with you.