Dear Amy: It has been seven years since my husband had an affair with another woman. Although I wanted a divorce for the first couple of years, financial circumstances and family members discouraged me, so I stayed.
The disappointment, anger, and sadness have subsided through the years but somehow the contentment I once had never returned, even though my husband is nicer now.
I'm no longer depressed, but fun things such as going out and traveling just don't excite me that much anymore.
Before the affair, I was a happy person and enjoyed life in general. Now I am much more cynical about men and even women. I've forgiven my husband, but I no longer feel the same way about him.
I don't love him, but I don't mind living with him because I don't like to live alone. My husband never wanted a divorce, and he's surprised that I still haven't gotten "over" it.
How can I get back that joy I once had? Or is there no hope?
- Joyless Dear Joyless: You might not be acutely depressed, but you sound sad and stuck in a sort of malaise.You can't turn back the clock, but you might be able to get closer to the joy you once experienced by working to reconnect with the person you used to be.
In my view, living with a husband you "don't love but don't mind living with" sounds like a recipe for long-term distress. If you can separate for a short time, you might be able to sort out your feelings. You might start by taking a meditative retreat. Your goal should be to take an objective look at your life to see how you can live more authentically and make positive changes.
