Gonzo: The NBA can grow - by shrinking

Inspiration strikes at odd times. Last week, it hit me while I watched a man set his shirt ablaze. At least he was smart enough to take it off first.

When LeBron James signed with the Miami Heat, Cleveland didn't take it well. ESPN had cameras set up all over the city, and for a while it looked as if James had caused an emotional riot that the Kleenex SWAT team would have a hard time suppressing. People on the street and in bars openly wept and screamed. One woman held the ends of her long locks in her hands, and her arms were extended on either side, as though she might literally pull out her hair. She didn't, which was a shame. It would have made for uncomfortable but dramatic television.

Not long after Rapunzel tried to yank out her mane, one man burned what appeared to be a King James Cleveland Cavaliers jersey. The garment incinerated faster than expected. It was almost as if he lit the city's sanity on fire in the process.

As I watched Cleveland devolve into madness, I began thinking that the NBA ought to just disband the Cavaliers and be done with it. Despite what the owner there said about winning a championship before James does in Miami, it's unlikely the Cavs will treat the town to a parade any time soon. The team is charred rubble now, best swept up and deposited in the NBA trash bin.

After all, how can the brokenhearted Cavs compete with James, Chris Bosh, and Dwyane Wade? How can the Sixers or the Knicks or the Nets, for that matter? You can't beat a super team unless you form another super team. Or several.

Which leads me to the aforementioned inspiration: the steps needed to save the NBA - a league that commissioner David Stern said was $370 million in the red last year - and create competitive balance. Try to follow along, it's complicated stuff:

1. Disband teams/contract the league.

2. Repeat Step 1.

The league has become a thinned-out mess, a weak sauce made from inferior ingredients. What's needed here is a thickening agent, a way to make the product robust and hearty and irresistible.

Unlike the NFL (which has had eight different champions over the last 10 years), or MLB (eight different champs in nine seasons), the NBA has had handed out titles to just eight different franchises since 1980. That's a three-decade span for the math-challenged among you.