Dear Amy: What to do? A close relative is contemplating taking the next big step in a relationship with someone, and I don't know if she has done the same Google search that I did on the man in question.
By simply adding his hometown following his name in the search box, I discovered a DUI arrest two years ago that didn't show up when his name alone was searched. The spelling of his name and his hometown are unique, so I knew it was him.
For all I know, she's already aware of this incident and they are dealing with it. But finding it out for the first time raises a huge red flag as far as I'm concerned, and if she's not aware of it, I feel she should be.
With all due respect, Amy, I hope your response does not tell me to MYOB. I take the whole DUI issue very seriously for personal reasons other than just because I have some information to share.
Please help me to figure out what to do.
- Concerned
Dear Concerned: You have already determined that you will not MYOB and that this issue is too important for you to overlook.
So, speak to your relative about this.
When you do, be prepared to say why you are searching the Internet for infractions. Perhaps there are other red flags about this man you are concerned about. If so, you might as well state your entire case (complete with other misgivings) respectfully and completely. After that, you should also be prepared to deal with any fallout between the two of you.
Full disclosure between partners is necessary before they take "the next big step." Disclosure leads to challenging conversations, but also intimacy.
