Dear Amy: I received an e-mail message from my live-in boyfriend's mother detailing many gory details of his parents' divorce proceedings and asking me to respond.
My boyfriend and his mom do not get along especially well (his mom has a history of personality and mood disorders and she behaves inappropriately), so he and his siblings immediately write off everything his mom says as false.
I don't pretend to know what happened in their marriage, but her behavior has often astounded me.
I feel like her e-mail to me was completely inappropriate, and I don't have any idea what to say in response (or even if I should). It is a very touchy situation because I do not want her to dislike me.
Also, if any of what his mom says is true about his dad (which my boyfriend refuses to believe), I don't know if I'll be able to look at his dad the same way again. Please advise.
- Awkward Ear in IllinoisDear Awkward: Walk a very wide path around this.
The e-mail was a tremendous boundary breech on the part of your boyfriend's mother. All of the evidence available to you points to the probability that she is not an accurate reporter.
If you don't respond, you will be blamed for not responding. However, anything you say may be interpreted as an invitation for a dialogue with her.
You should be truthful and respond, "I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but this makes me very uncomfortable."
Even if you want this woman to like you, if she suffers from mood or personality disorders, there is a very good chance that no matter what you do you will eventually be blamed and disliked. Keep your contact brief and neutral.
