Stu Bykofsky: Looking for a PHA chief? Look no further

August 30, 2010

CARL GREENE'S future is as secure as an icicle hanging from a willow branch.

Some facts are out; the allegations jar has been opened. The Philadelphia Housing Authority board suspended him Thursday while it looks into the $900,000 he spent to stifle sexual-harassment cases. The feds are nosing around.

Philly likely will soon need another czar to lead the PHA.

If the city wants another tireless, short-tempered tyrant with a craving for praise and self-gratification - I'm your guy.

As to sexually harassing those of the female persuasion - not a chance. I've got a luscious, jealous wife who owns a .38 and is a better shot than me. (Note to self: Don't teach Baby Cakes any more lethal skills.) She's got me too afraid to put my hands on my own naughty bits.

My other selling points:

* I'll work for half of Greene's $306,000 salary. If you keep his $40,000 bonus on the table, I'll take one-third - and no costly out-of-court settlements.

* I have almost 40 years of continuous employment at a prominent Philadelphia institution that (although it wasn't planned that way) turned out to be a nonprofit, like PHA.

* Ten years of what's called "higher education," eight at Brooklyn College (where I majored in "sextracurricular activities" and got it out of my system), followed by two years at St. Joe's (the Hawk will never die!), where I was an undistinguished member of the Society for the Advancement of Management. I was in management at that time. Like drug use, it was a youthful indiscretion. (There is no current drug use, aside from alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, Viagra and Ben-Gay.) The decade of study did not result in what they call a "degree," but reflects my stick-to-itiveness. I worked by day, studied by night, raised a family at the same time. Like Greene, I am a Type-A, 24/7 kind of guy.

* Also a quick study. I learned to use my cell phone in less than three months without finishing the instruction booklet. Did you finish yours?


 

The big problem with public housing, of course, is that it houses the public, specifically the poor, who are troublemakers, and I can prove it.

You move poor people into high-rises, and what do you get? Filthy, crime-ridden, graffiti-smeared, roach-and-rat-infested hellholes.

You move affluent people into high-rises and what do you get? Society Hill Towers.

1 | 2 | Next »
|
|
|
|
|