My advice to any family is to start talking about funerals now, before the big event, sharing what you like and what you don't about funerals. There is never only one way to do it.
- Lisa Carlson, Executive Director,
Funeral Ethics Organization
DEAR LISA: Agreed! It's always nice to receive a letter from you. You have long been a valued resource to me and my readers. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I work in a funeral home and would suggest a couple of options to Pam regarding her husband.
Some funeral homes have more than one viewing room. They could display his mother in one and have the receiving line in another. That way, he wouldn't have to see his mother in a casket. The service could include a closed casket - or none at all.
Another choice would be cremation with a memorial service afterward. Both arrangements would allow the husband the chance for a final goodbye without seeing Mom in the casket.
Whatever he decides, the wife should accept his final decision.
- Laurie in New York
DEAR ABBY: Sadly, both of my parents passed away within two years of each other. Instead of a funeral we held a Celebration of Life Memorial Service. (They both wanted to be cremated, so we did not have to deal with a coffin.) Abby, the celebration was beautiful for both.
We created slide shows and poster boards of their lives, told funny stories about them, and had people get up randomly if they had their own stories to share.
Yes, it was sad because we miss our parents dearly . . . but it has also been much easier dealing with our loss when remembering their service as a celebration of their lives.
- Missing Mom and Dad, Eugene, Ore.
DEAR ABBY: I have made it clear to all of my family members that I will not attend their funerals if they go before I do.
