Tell Me About It: Should she warn friend not to rush wedding?

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Question: My roommate has been dating a guy since January and plans to marry him in December. It has only been a few months since they met and they are already engaged! They are still in the stage where they are all over each other and can't get enough of each other.

My friends and I are concerned the two of them are moving way too fast. He is a really nice guy from what I've seen. Also, he isn't an American citizen, but she told me he will get citizenship in a couple of years, for reasons unrelated to their getting married.

I have voiced my concerns lightheartedly, as I don't want to attack her, but she just laughs and brushes my comments off.

I am worried they will get married before the "honeymoon" phase wears off and, once it does, will wish they hadn't rushed. I have been with my boyfriend for two years, and I'm enjoying our time together before we make a lifelong commitment and settle down.

What should I do (if anything)? Is this not my business? We have been friends for 15 years.

Answer: This is so not your business.

A friend of 15 years can say, "I'm your friend and I love you, so I'll ask only once: What's the big hurry?" If she answers without getting defensive, then say, "OK, I'll be supportive and shut up." Then drop it.

If she is defensive, be on the lookout for other bad signs - but speak up only if/when you witness something troubling.

Nobody wants friends to suffer. But unless you see other signs of danger besides their being in a big hurry, you and your friends are crossing boundaries into your roommate's business. It's not your place to guide her to love everlasting, or even to prevent all emotional lumps.

There's a difference between waking up and thinking, "I wish I hadn't rushed," and thinking, "I wish my friends had told me my boyfriend scared them." The latter is what friends are about; the former is just growing up.