Think about it. We Americans have so many holidays that we're literally celebrating ourselves into the poor house.
Consider Memorial Day, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, President's Day and Columbus Day. Each one has spurned annual holiday sales, and, like lemmings, we flock to them in the name of saving 25 percent. But instead of spending $200 to save $50, we could save the whole $250 by simply staying home to barbecue, where our only expense is cooking for foil-carrying freeloaders.
Easter and Halloween don't seem expensive at first, either. But when you factor in the cost of the costumes, the candy and the subsequent visits to the dentist for Little Johnny, you're talking thousands of dollars in holiday costs.
There's Christmas, which is really cool when you're a kid who's the recipient of parental largesse, not so cool when you grow up and realize that you have to foot the bill.
Then there's Valentine's Day, run by a rosebud mafia that jacks up flower prices by a gazillion percent every February, knowing that every poor schmuck with a wife or girlfriend will buy a dozen roses or risk a horrible death.
We have Mother's Day, the one day when no one should mind buying a gift, and Father's Day, the one day when no one should mind calling collect.
After that, though, do we really need more holidays? I know everyone wants their special day, and maybe some of you deserve it. But I'm beginning to think this whole holiday thing is a racket, and I'm tired of getting the short end of the stick.
Don't get me wrong. I love celebrating. I love people. I love gifts. But let's keep it real. Nobody has money for gifts these days. Not while we're rebounding from a global economic crisis that has cost people their jobs, their homes, their cars and their wallets.
So here's the deal. This year, don't expect any gifts from me on any of those extra holidays.
