Gonzo: Have remote, will surf

Gonzo managed to watch the Eagles game and Cole Hamels' shutout of the Reds. (Yong Kim / Staff Photographer)
Gonzo managed to watch the Eagles game and Cole Hamels' shutout of the Reds. (Yong Kim / Staff Photographer) (Jen Reardon)
Posted: October 11, 2010

It has to be tough being the governor's wife.

For one thing, Ed Rendell doesn't like to share.

Before Sunday night's multichannel, two-team sports bacchanalia, the governor took his usual seat on the Comcast SportsNet Eagles Pre-Game Live set. Mere moments after the lights turned on and the cameras went live, Rendell hinted that he's a bit of a channel-changing dictator.

"This is a hell of a challenge for men tonight - because we love sports," he said. "You've got to be able to operate the remote and see every play from both games. I think I could do that."

Page 2 is pretty sure women also dig sports and were equally enthralled during Sunday night's festivities. Even so, your (not-so) humble narrator is as much of a clicker control freak as the governor. Here's how the evening unfolded on that front:

7:32: NBC unfurls a lengthy pregame package explaining how Kevin Kolb supported Michael Vick even after getting demoted/demoralized by Andy Reid. This does not bode well for the game. If you took the over in the nauseating, Kolb-is-a-swell-team-player-references office pool, you're already in good shape.

7:47: The Jon Runyan attack ads are brutal. I'm waiting for his opponent to run something like "He couldn't protect Donovan McNabb in the Super Bowl. . . . How can he protect your children?"

8:18: The Reds gift the Phils another unearned run in the first inning. The best part: Davey Lopes just hits the deck when Orlando Cabrera overthrows first base. He throws himself to the ground as if an air raid were coming.

8:25: Vottomatic? That's really what they call Joey Votto in Cincinnati? As my buddy Stehle puts it, Ohio is a Vottomless pit of bad ideas.

8:29: NBC's Andrea Kremer asks Mike Singletary what message he delivered to his team before the game. "Win. Win," he says. "Just come out and do what we do, and we'll be fine." Uh, Mike? What you do is lose, lose. You might want to come out and do what someone else does.

8:37: Cris Collinsworth thinks Nate Allen "looks like an investment banker when he gets on the plane." Football Night in America - now with fashion-forward updates.

8:42: Michael Crabtree scores a touchdown, and the 49ers take an early lead. The Eagles defense is like football penicillin for teams with sickly offenses.

8:54: Kolb to Brent Celek for a TD. When does Reid call the news conference and re-announce Kolb as the starter? Halftime?

9:10: Two women sitting behind home plate are rockin' the same country-club look: white shirts with red sweaters draped over their shoulders. They obviously planned that. Worst wardrobe decisions since WKRP in Cincinnati.

9:22: After Scott Rolen gets his first hit of the series, TBS announcer Brian Anderson says, "Rolen gets the skunk out of the box." Do you think that was planned or extemporaneous? Which is worse?

9:33: A fan snags a Chase Utley home-run ball just as it barely clears the wall. Jay Bruce isn't happy, and Dusty Baker has that look on his face again. Same look he had when Steve Bartman was introduced to the world. Instead of a uniform and a hat, Baker should be fitted for a nice straitjacket and a bite plate.

9:36: After an instant-replay review, Utley's home run is upheld.

9:37: Shady McCoy scores on an impressive run up the middle.

9:38: The first cases of flashback-button vertigo are recorded in Philadelphia.

9:52: King Dunlap is tall. That's pretty much the best thing you can say about him when he's on the field.

10:05: Votto down on strikes. It's enough to make Reds fans drink their way to the end of a Vottle. Someone should play the song "Despervotto." (Help.)

10:10: On 10/10/10. Wonder what the Mayans and Nostradamus predicted about this.

10:38: Long run for Kolb that includes a juke. Impressive. Even more impressive: Al Michaels and Collinsworth forgo the Vick references/comparisons.

10:38.05: So much for that. Michaels and Collinsworth both compare Kolb to Vick. Should have seen that coming.

10:48: After a Placido Polanco error, Anderson says, "Maybe that's the break the Reds need." Cole Hamels then immediately shuts down Cincinnati and gets out of the inning. Good timing on the jinx there. Anderson should have just hurled a black cat into the Reds dugout or smashed a mirror on Votto's noggin.

10:51: Brandon Graham forces a fumble, and the Eagles get a defensive touchdown. Good night for Philly fans.

10:53: Redlegnation.com,a Reds blog, reports, "People are clearing out as the ninth inning begins." Wonder whether anyone will still defend Cincinnati as a "baseball town" after this.

11:08: Hamels strikes out Rolen. Phils win, 2-0. Game over. Series over. The Phils are headed back to the NLCS. You Votto Believe.

Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com.

Follow him on Twitter: www.twitter.com/gonzophilly

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