Sideshow: Bieber the beast, making a little boy cry

Justin Bieber: Those laser tag games can be brutal.
Justin Bieber: Those laser tag games can be brutal.
Posted: October 19, 2010

It shakes your faith in human nature. Unless, like us at "SideShow," you had none to begin with. Comes word that that Kleen-kut Kanadian Kid Justin Bieber, in the last throes of being 16, is being investigated in connection with - OMG! - assault charges. We knew there was something false with his affable, lovable, squishy little cute-boot equability, didn't you? Police in British Columbia are investigating claims that the savage, menacing J-Bieb pushed a 12-year-old boy during a game of laser tag. What? Is there no death penalty in Canada? According to TMZ, the site was a laser tag emporium. Cornered by a gang of little guys blasting ray-guns at him, the raging, pitiless Bieber pushed his way out, the little boy fell down, he cried, and his parents called police. Nobody would be wantin' to get paid here, would they? Course not. What a terrible thing to suggest. Be quiet.

LaBoeuf's anti-photographer moment

Who else is running amok, and in our nation's capital, too? Right: that monstrous blot on human history, Shia LaBoeuf. The Man of Many Vowels threw a cup of cold coffee on paparazzo Mark Wilkins, according to the latter. No word on whether it was a triple-shot, no-whip, decaf caramel macchiato or just cold, icky joe. A vid of the caffeinated baptism has gone viral. Shia, in D.C. to film Transformers: Dark of the Moon, hurled the gelid brew at Wilkins when the latter's photo attentions exceeded Shia's notion of the decorous. Shia may be bummed about his breakup (according to Perez Hilton) with darling Carey Mulligan.

Jolie wins battle to film in Bosnia

Poor Angelina Jolie. The serial adoptive mother, political activist, philanthropist, and, oh yeah, actress, gets dumped on a lot. She and arm-ornament Brad Pitt were called "colonial overlords" for supposedly special treatment received in Namibia during their adoption of a child. She's called too white to play Cleopatra (unlike those dusky beauties Claudette Colbert and Elizabeth Taylor?) in a coming epic directed by epic ego James Cameron. Now her untitled film, Angie-written, Angie-directed, to be filmed in Bosnia, is drawing ire. It's a love story between a Bosnian woman and a Serbian soldier during the Bosnian war. Problem: Rumor said it's a tale of a rape victim who falls in love with her captor. Women Victims of War, a group that defends such women, hated that. Bosnian culture minister Gavrilo Grahovac withdrew Angelina's film permit. Well, all nice now. Grahovac granted the permit yesterday, and filming is set to begin in Sarajevo in November, starring Bosnian actress Zana Marjanovic as the lead.

Vince Vaughan and electric cars

In a TV trailer for Vince Vaughn's forthcoming film The Dilemma, some genius at Universal decided to start with this line: "Ladies and Gentlemen, electric cars are so gay." CNN silver fox Anderson Cooper, failed American Idol judge Ellen DeGeneres, and the group GLAAD heard, gnashed their teeth, and rent their garments. Now they have to get unrent garments. Pressured, Universal pulled the line from the trailer - but too late, baby! It got viralized on YouTube, and such is the dudgeon and shamefacedness, it may be cut from the film. Vince countered with a statement that starts by apologizing . . . but he wants the joke to stay.

Little, tiny bits of wit and What?

According to the National Retail Federation, the most searched-for celebrity Halloween costume online is . . . drumroll . . . the Lady Gaga Meat Dress! Yuck! Number two is Michael Jackson, and Katy Perry, and we're quoting here, "takes the third position." . . . Mel Gibson has signed on for a part in Hangover 2. They're calling it a comeback. . . . We regret to inform you that talks have broken down to sell Chelsea Handler's old sex tape. It will probably never be seen by the public. . . . As HollywoodGossip.com points out, Bristol Palin is no longer an unwed teen mother. She turned 20 yesterday. . . . Céline Dion was admitted to a West Palm Beach, Fla., hospital to prevent premature birth of her twins with hubby René Angélil; the babies are expected in November . . . . Welcome, tiny little Egypt Daoud Dean! On Thursday night in NYC, you were given to the world by your mommy, Alicia Keys. Your daddy is Swizz Beatz (once known as Kaseem Dean), who trashed his marriage to Mashonda Tifrere to get with Alicia. So, along with three existing Swizz kids, maybe Egypt will lead them out of trouble to real happiness. . . . Kim Kardashian says she's too old to pose nude. Har-har: She just did, on the cover of W magazine! She doesn't show anything, darn, but rather is play-nekkid. She turns a creaky, cranky 30 on Thursday. . . . Meanwhile, Paris Hilton says she's done partying. "When you've been going out for so long it gets old," she tells RadarOnline.com. Yeah, right. . . . BTW, anyone else find it hilarious that Keith Richards has been drug-free since falling out of a tree? Or that anyone did not know Carrie Fisher was snow-blowin' while playing Princess Leia in Star Wars? She told Australian newsbunch AAP on Oct. 11 that "we did cocaine on the set of Empire [Strikes Back], in the ice planet." Appropriate! But who is this "we," Carrie? Not Luke Skywalker, surely, or Han Solo . . . it would have corroded C3PO's cogs . . . oh, we know . . . Chewbacca! . . . And who's our favorite Chilean miner? "Super Mario" Sepulveda, who led songs and dances in very fetching shorts to keep spirits up? Or Yonni Barrios, whose mistress, Susana Valenzuela, showed up when he got rescued but not his wife, Marta Salinas? We say Yonni. See, Susana found out Yoni has yet another mistress, named Rosa Esther! Busy Yonni! Asked what she'd do if Rosa tried to take Yonni away, Susana said, simply, "I hit her. I hit her a lot." And now Yonni's been approached to be spokesman for AshleyMadison.com, specialists in affairs for married folks. This guy gets everything!

After this article, no encore possible

Wow: 23-year-old Liu Wei has won China's Got Talent, a much huger deal than anybody else's Got Talent because China's Got People. For his winning piece, Liu, a pianist, played "You're Beautiful," by James Blunt. With his toes. See, Liu lost his arms after an electric accident when he was 10. All stand and applaud!


This article contains information from Inquirer wire services and websites. Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.

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