Q: My oldest sister died of cancer in November 2009. It was a really hard time for our family, especially for my older sister. She has not been able to move past it. It hurts me to see her so sad all the time. She refuses counseling and won't talk to her doctor about medications.
I want her to help plan my wedding. I thought it would be good for her to be a part of a happy occasion. She basically said no.
I'm not sure if she objects to my marriage or if this is just her depression. This is such a happy time for me and she is putting a damper on it. Should I say something or just let it go?
Mia: Most people respond to requests for help, so lay it on thick. Tell sis you need someone with her style and taste to help you select your wedding dress. Beg her to go. Don't take no for answer.
The point is to drag her back into the game by getting her involved in one of the most life-affirming rituals there is. Once you get her attention, broach the idea again about getting medical help.
Steve: Make sure she knows that you love her. Then tell her what you told us. Mia's advice is on target.
Q: My boyfriend stays out until 3 to 4 a.m. at least three times a week. I asked him if he's cheating and he says no.
I found evidence that he was talking to women on the computer and ex-girlfriends by text message. He's on every porn site and on MocoSpace, MySpace, Facebook and LinkedIn. He says that it's for his music promotion, but all of his friends are women.
He cheated three years ago, and I feel like I'm being played again. I feel that if he loved me, he would come home at a reasonable hour. Am I being too controlling?
Steve: Hmmm. He's a proven cheater, stays out until the wee hours three times a week and all his friends are women. There's something wrong here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Mia: Sounds like you have a playa on your hands. If he wants to stay out all night, you can't stop him. But while he's gone, you need to think long and hard about what it is that you want in a relationship.
If it's important for you to have a man willing to spend every evening with you, there are plenty who would do just that.
Steve is a 50-something married man who's been around the block. Mia is a younger, recently married woman with an all-together different attitude. They may not agree, but they have plenty of answers. For answers e-mail S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M c/o Daily News, 400 N. Broad St., Philadelphia, PA 19130.
