"August of 2014 at this pace," he quipped.
Charlie also spoke to Dan about his recent visit with the UCLA baseball team and the sage advice he imparted: "Stay off the crack. Drink a chocolate milk."
There were "rumors that I've had problems with crack, so it just came out of me like poetry," he said, giving further reason why he's never been know as a poet. "[I] said stay off the crack, and I still think that's pretty good advice, unless you can manage it socially, Dan. If you can manage it socially, then go for it, but not a lot of people can."
Dan asked Charlie if he thought he could handle crack. "Yeah, yeah," he responded, which is why you shouldn't use the phone, pipe in hand.
Charlie maintained that he was "100 percent" clean, but begged the network to take him back to work - fast.
"I heal really quickly," he said, "but I also unravel pretty quickly. So get me right now, guys."
* According to TMZ.com, the
cast and crew of "Two and a Half Men" are rightfully peeved because the show's studio, Warner Bros., has trimmed four episodes off the expected eight left to shoot.
Unidentified sources told TMZ that show creator Chuck Lorre has decided he wants to produce only four more episodes if/when Charlie returns to work.
Charlie has said he was willing to work weekends and beyond the scheduled wrap date to make sure all eight shows were produced.
Considering how much dough Chuck and Charlie have made off "Men," they really should chip in to pay the production folks who would have to work 10 to 20 years to make what Charlie gets paid for one episode.
Here come the bridesmaids
Tattle hasn't been paying all that much attention to the royal wedding (April 29, Westminster Abbey) because, honestly, we don't care.
But we're pleased to report that Prince William has chosen his brother, Prince Harry, to be his best man and that Harry will throw William's bachelor party.
