With that disclaimer in place, I'll try for a general answer. First, you say your relationships with your exes are "bad to neutral." Don't discount the neutral; that's a perfectly healthy outcome when two people stop loving each other or don't get along anymore. And even if all your relationships with exes were bad, there'd still be plenty of room for redemption.
Hostile relations with exes, as a pattern, say that you're a shaky judge of character and/or that you have shaky relationship skills - but both are areas where a person can improve. If you've done the hard work to recognize and break your bad habits, then you'll be a good bet based on your current behavior.
So I guess the answer is, if there's a pattern, then you're at least part of the problem, but that doesn't mean you're doomed to be problematic. Look back at what went wrong, and see whether you've learned from it.
Q: I'm not the one who asked about being a bad egg, but now I wonder, because I'm not friends with any of my three serious exes. I tried with the first but in the end it was better if we didn't speak. For the second one I have no desire to reach out, and for the third I could but have decided not to. For me it's easier to not have contact with them. I'm sure if our paths crossed somehow I'd be civil but I wouldn't go out of my way.
I never thought of this as an issue until I saw that posting. I'm interested to hear what your thoughts are.
A: To me, falling out of touch with exes goes under the "neutral" heading and is just not a powerful sign of anything, except that life took you in different directions.
What I'm talking about are consistent, lingering, intensely bad feelings between you and your ex after pretty much every relationship ends - or, worse, ongoing, high-conflict relationships with more than one ex.
E-mail Carolyn at firstname.lastname@example.org, or chat with her online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.