Jenice Armstrong: Kate's sister could have caused royal rumble!

Head-turner Pippa Middleton with bridesmaid Margarita Armstrong-Jones.
Head-turner Pippa Middleton with bridesmaid Margarita Armstrong-Jones. (Associated Press)
Posted: April 30, 2011

THE FORMER Kate Middleton should have gone Bridezilla upside her sister's head over that bridesmaid dress.

She never should have said yes to that dress.

Catherine, henceforth Her Royal Highness, the Duchess of Cambridge, was a radiant bride, evoking memories of the late Princess Grace with her virginal-looking, long lacy sleeves and full-skirted wedding gown by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen.

But Pippa Middleton, 27, really turned up temperatures in a sexy, body-skimming dress also by Burton. When onlookers caught sight of her in that cowl-necked dress showing off her svelte physique, there were audible gasps.

On Twitter, she quickly became a trending topic.

Nobody could steal the spotlight from Kate, but Pippa's white-hot sheath was a standout that had tongues wagging.

Same thing with all those ridiculous British hats or fascinators as they're called across the pond. Do they really think they look good in those things or is there some inside joke that we, Americans, aren't in on?

I can't prove it, but I suspect that that's what's behind Princess Eugenie's and Princess Beatrice's decision to don such outlandish head gear. Beatrice's had a beige circle atop what looked like beige tentacles sprouting from her forehead. If you looked really closely, you could see that it was supposed to be a bow with curly ribbons. Eugenie's was slightly less horrible with a Robin Hood-style blue cap with something fuzzy sticking out of the top. Nobody's taste is that bad. Maybe they were hoping for a little scene-stealing of their own as a way to seek revenge for their disgraced mother, Sarah Ferguson, who didn't score a royal invite.

As for the queen mum, who bestowed on William not one but three new titles yesterday including the Duke of Cambridge, she looked positively sunny in a wide-brimmed hat and matching yellow coat. But what I really want to know is what on earth did she have in that handbag she was holding onto so tightly? Surely, it wasn't car keys or a few extra quid in case she needed a ride back to Buckingham Palace.

Not to sound stereotypical or sexist, but yesterday's royal wedding was the World Cup for girlie girls. There was no need to ask "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" It was all of ours to enjoy. The British government declared a national holiday for its people and in the interest of international diplomacy, the gals this side of the pond really should have had the day off, too.

Besides, a lot of us were dragging at work anyway from waking up at 4 a.m. to watch the royal wedding. We had to do what we had to do, because this kind of free entertainment doesn't happen that often.

All the elements were there. There was high drama - who didn't feel like hissing when Prince Charles showed up with wife Camilla - and glamour. After her surprisingly traditional wedding gown, the duchess slipped into a second one - also by Burton. If her first dress recalled brides of yesteryear, numero dos was a thoroughly modern number with a circle skirt, sparkly belt and a fuzzy shrug to cover her bare shoulders. Pippa, for the record, was stunning in a slinky green gown.

The day wasn't without its royal disappointments, though. Prince William really blew a chance to show a little something something during the balcony kiss. Instead of backing his new wife over that railing and kissing Catherine like he really meant it, William settled for a couple of quick, dry smooches, proving there is such a thing as taking that British stiff-upper-lip thing too far.

But that's a British royal for you.

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