Steve and Mia: Hubby suspects wife cheats on him

Posted: June 17, 2011

Q: I think my wife of 32 years has been cheating on me when she travels on business. Friends told me to discuss my suspicions with her, but every time I bring it up, she denies it. Recently, while at dinner with friends, she mentioned that a year ago she had lunch with a male co-worker on his yacht. When I asked her about it later, she said it was just an innocent lunch meeting, that the man wanted to show off his new boat. His boat is about 45 minutes from their work. I think that they dined on each other while on the boat. Isn't it inappropriate for a married woman to be alone with a single man on his boat, house or any enclosure? Even if everything was innocent? I still love her, but I no longer trust her.

Steve: Have you seen the movie "Up in the Air"? If not, don't. Men are always trying to show off their boats to women. A smart woman is wise to this game and avoids impropriety. I suggest counseling for both of you so you can regain trust.

Mia: I do think men and women can be just friends, but the real issue with you and your wife is that you don't trust her. Dude, what's up with that? Steve's right about counseling being the way to go. Without trust, you can't have a good relationship. Work on getting the trust back. It may take a while but it can happen.

Q: I have worked as a professional for more than 20 years, raised children and kept house. I kept a very strict schedule during this time. I came home from work, made dinner and cleaned up the house. I made sure everyone got regular doctor and dentist visits. I made sure kids got to every practice and game. I was up every day at 4:30 a.m. and not back to bed until 11:30 p.m. I loved my life. But I was laid off from my job 18 months ago. I'm losing my mind! My husband can afford the bills without me and keeps telling me to relax and take care of the house. Worse than that, I have become resentful of my husband and children, who do nothing to help. They never helped before, but I don't want to be just the maid! My friends keep telling me to relax and enjoy the easy life but I can't. I feel useless.

Mia: You need a job outside the home. You had one for years and not only did it give your life structure, but it helped you define your place in the world. Why not see if you can find part-time work that suits you, or try volunteering? I'll bet your local soup kitchen would appreciate having someone with your work ethic around.

Steve: It's too late to get your husband and kids to pitch in. You've trained them not to. Find an interest outside the home, whether it's a yoga class or delivering meals to shut-ins.

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