Sideshow: Pitt declares it: Gay marriage for all

The gay marriage debate is settled, once and for all, America! Brad Pitt, 47, has spoken.

"It is each American's constitutional right to marry the person they love, no matter what state they inhabit," Pitt tells People after the recent legalization of same-sex marriage in New York state.

Yo, Daniel, what about Satsuki?

Christopher Mitchell, for one, is heartbroken by the shocking news that Daniel Craig, 43, and Rachel Weisz, 41, have tied the ultimate knot in an ultimately covert, super-secret ceremony.

Mitchell is the father of Satsuki, 32, a producer who was supposed to become Mrs. Daniel Craig.

"His sudden marriage came out of nowhere," Mitchell tells London's Daily Mail. Satsuki was dumped last November and has "only just reached a happy place," her dad says. She's still wounded: She "doesn't mention [Craig's] name now and tells me off if I do."

Weisz also leaves a former fiance in her wake: Black Swan director Darren Aronofsky, whom she left over Christmas.

Stars, jocks, booze . . .

The 19th annual ESPY Awards, which honor sports achievements, will feature celeb presenters including Emmanuelle Chriqui, Chris Evans, Cee Lo Green, Rachel Nichols, Ryan Reynolds, and Serena Williams. Raphael Saadiq will sing tunes. Seth Meyers hosts the July 13 extravaganza, which will be shown on ESPN.

iPad fingers do the talking

Teenage dude Eduard Saakashvili, 15, whose pop happens to be Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili, has set the Guinness world record for the fastest time to type the alphabet on Apple's iPad, Bloomberg News reports. Eduard typed the ABCs in 5.26 seconds, beating the previous record by 1.05 seconds. There's a bright future for this lad.

This fang's for you

Vamps have been repurposed, most lucratively, for hormone-addled teens, so why not recycle the toothy ones for the lil' ones?