Question: My husband cannot let things go - he holds grudges for way longer than the offense is worth. He still brings up things that happened months/years ago to illustrate my (presumed) faults. It's not just me; he gives his older sister grief for dropping him when he was 6 months old and she was 3. Besides pointing out that he's being ridiculous when he gets going on some old grudge, do you have any suggestions for dealing with this?
Answer: Holding grudges is a form of control. It puts you in the you-owe-him seat, and gives him the last word on when to let you out. This is sometimes control with a sinister undertone, and sometimes just annoying and whiny, but either way it's unhealthy and standing between you and intimacy.