Steve and Mia: Not tonight, honey, I had surgery 10 years ago

Posted: September 16, 2011

Q: My wife and I are both approaching 60. Ten years ago, she had back surgery, but it hasn't limited her activity level. For example, she can still ride her horse two or three times weekly. But if I try to touch her, she pulls into a turtle position. When I asked if there wss a problem, she said she'd never be able to have sex after the surgery. And here I sit, bewildered, with how many more years of bliss ahead of me?

Steve: You've never tried the turtle position?

Mia: When's the last time you gave her a leisurely back massage? I'll bet that old turtle won't duck back in her shell if you light some candles and come at her with something other than the same old slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am routine. Of course, it could be that there's something medically wrong; if so, you need more help than we can give you. Do something different - or get used to her being inside her shell.

Q: I normally don't get into screaming matches with my wife, but we did after she mentioned wanting to vacation with my in-laws again. They're not bad people, but we went away with them last year. I tried telling her that I have a very stressful job and need something to look forward to besides seeing my morbidly obese mother-in-law in a swimsuit Please answer my question soon because I have vacation time that I have to use or lose by year's end.

Mia: Show your wife the email you sent us. If you two stubborn folks don't ease up, you could wind up vacationing separately. Do you really want that?

Steve: Which beach do you go to? I don't want to see your morbidly obese mother-in-law in a swimsuit, either. Marriage is about compromise: one vacation with in-laws, next one without.

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