Dear Abby: She was honest, but he can't handle the truth

Posted: October 05, 2011

DEAR ABBY: I met my husband, "Jerome," two years ago. During our courtship, he helped me to find faith. Because of that, I wanted a completely honest relationship with him and confessed to a "less than moral" experience that occurred several years before I met him. Apparently he was able to accept it, because he proposed and we have been married for several months.

Recently, however, Jerome has been saying it's bothering him and he doesn't know how to let it go. I'm angry and hurt that something that happened long ago is now causing problems in my marriage. It has made me question why I was honest with him.

I'm afraid Jerome will never forgive me. He says he feels as though he has to compete with my past and doesn't feel he can live up to it. How do I tackle this problem? I can't change my past, I can't take back what I told him, and I can't do anything to change my husband. Please help.

- Haunted by the Past

DEAR HAUNTED: First, stop apologizing. You are the sum total of all your experiences, and that's the woman he married. Tell your husband you will not accept anything less than marriage counseling now. He knows about your "experience" because you leveled with him. Make it clear that this isn't a contest, and he's all you want in a man. If he can't accept it, there is no basis for a marriage, and frankly, little hope for a future together.

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