Steve and Mia: Drinker avoids sober sex

Posted: October 14, 2011

Q: For the first 40 years of my life, I rarely drank. Then I had a really bad day about four years ago, and I decided to have a couple of shots of tequila to reduce my agitation. Well it worked, and it also made me very horny. I started making it a nightly ritual. Over the next three years, I slowly increased the amount of alcohol I drank to maintain the effect. When I hit eight shots a night, I realized this might be a problem and started cutting back.

Over the next year, I reduced the number of shots to two, then changed what I was drinking. Tequila is 42 percent alcohol, so I switched to rum, which is only 35 percent. Now I drink flavored rum, which is 26 percent, still maintaining my two drinks a night. I am happy where I am.

But I confided in a friend who told me I am a functioning alcoholic, and until I can stop completely, I will never be in control of this problem. The idea of sober sex is not something I even want to think about. So, are two shots a day enough to kill me?

Steve: Kill you? My God, it will probably add 10 years to your life. But remember your limit. A shot is 1.5 ounces, so two shots is 3 ounces. The rum is a good move, since it's below the normal 80 proof for most hard liquor. Two shots of 80-proof booze is roughly equivalent to two 5-ounce glasses of wine or two 12-ounce bottles of 5 percent beer. For most people, staying strictly within those limits is fine, especially if they don't gulp it down. But feeling you need to drink suggests dependency. Talk with your doctor about this.

Mia:You get mad props for cutting back on your drinking, but alcoholism is a complex disease. That you avoid sober sex is troubling. Log onto Alcoholics Anonymous' website (aa.org) for info.

Q: I've been dating a guy for several months, but when I log onto Facebook, I notice that his status still lists him as single. How can he be single if he's dating me? Should I ask him to change it?

Mia: I'm a big believer that you're single until you're married or engaged. So your Facebook status should reflect that. If he wants a change, he'll let you know. Don't be so quick to take yourself off the market. Keep your options open, the way he clearly is.

Steve: People in a committed relationship don't list themselves as single. He's obviously not ready to commit. But this is a small matter, so let things play out naturally. You'll know soon enough whether this is a relationship worth your time.

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